A.A.I.T. and the Art of BEING (Or, What Would Peter Pan Do?)
The brain can be a Neverland of questions. Mystics and teachers through time have journeyed here looking for peaceful and whole consciousness. For connection with themselves, others and God. They have offered us insights and tools for the trip (which we can look at together on this blog), but most of all, they urge us to let go, leave our room, and journey past that second star to the right. Thomas Merton, a Benedictine monk, once said, “ We are strangers to ourselves first and foremost.” To take the journey is to become acquainted with the self, and if you journey deep enough into your own Neverland, you will not only find yourself. You will find the divine as well.
This journey is wrought with both joy and danger. Flying through neurons of space and time can be discombobulating. Trampolining from one emotion to the other...exhilarating and exhausting. Experiences in here are like Pirates plotting to attack us. Captain Regret (or Worry, or Addiction, or Pain, or you-fill-in-the-blank) is always hunting us.
Scared questions are waiting for us in here as well. Whole packs of them like Lost Boys and Girls roaming around. They are ready to follow Pan on adventures and to fight the Pirates. But mostly, they want safety in a hole in the ground. And they want to listen to Wendy tell them stories.
These questions come in stages:
Shallow as it goes. What should I eat today? How much? Have I had enough water? Can I handle a hard drink? How much? Should I go to that concert? What do I want to do this weekend? Why are those people looking at me that way? Should I get braces in my thirties? What do I want to study? Why do I work here? Where would I work if I didn’t? Why do I like horror films? Do I look good in these pants? (Don’t answer that…)
Getting deeper. Is it okay that I’m questioning the belief system I was raised up in? is it okay that I have negative feelings about my role as a mother or father? Do others have them? Is my friend really there for me? Can I trust my decisions? Why am I having a hard time finding a partner? Is there another option besides Republican or Democrat (other than the vagaries of “independent”)? Why do I feel like nobody gets me? How can I avoid political conversations with my family? (Please answer that…)
And now we’re wading into the water of a crocodile. Why is my mother so controlling? Why is my father such an a—hole? Does God (or Allah) (or Shiva) (or Yahweh) really care, or are they just judging me? Can I get out of this marriage without being judged? What’s the point? Why do I hurt people? The church says they value women, but…do they? Why did my precious one die? Am I lovable? Will I ever be good enough? Why am I distant? Why do I not FEEL anything? Is it too late for me? Will I ever find passion? Is hell real, really? If it is, why are Christians so nonchalant about it? And if so, what does this say about God? Why am I hellbent on growing my business at all costs? Why are we destroying nature? How can I be…content? Why is IT ALL so hard? Why the heck did I join a Crossfit gym in my forties?
One of the premises of A.A.I.T. (Acceptance and Integration training) is that these questions are the ones asked by shadow selves that have been created over time, in the arcs of our stories. Think of these shadow selves as lost boys and girls. These shadows surround the true self with definitions and versions of “selves” that we inevitably take on as “us.” These can be glad and mad identities. Happy and sad. Beautiful and horrific. “I’m a horrible dad.” “I am a musician.” “I am just a worker drone.” “I am a great dancer.” “I am a blathering idiot.” “I am NOT a great dancer.” “I am unlovable.” “I am just a pretty face.” “I am just average.” “I deserve abuse.” “I am a successful stock broker.” “I am a SEVEN wing SIX.“ Etc. Etc.
The AAIT methods work to navigate through this landscape of Neverland. They take the dualism of opposite emotions, questions and shadow identities, and they rock them back and forth in the psyche and within the sensations of the body in order to bring them together into integrated non-dualism.
Peter Pan, the forever child, it turns out, is a non dualistic true self. Beyond definition. Beyond good and evil, Pan is the self of BEING, that just IS. It is no wonder or accident that J.M. Barrie named him Pan. He exists free from the limitations of morality, time, and space (even its laws). His emotive responses to both good and bad do not drag him into anxiety and depression. Instead, they enable him to fly. In this kind of integrated self, he navigates the landscape of Neverland unafraid and content. Fighting Pirates, telling stories, meeting a new friend, or losing one, they’re all part of the same reality. Part of life. Even of death, he says, “What an awfully big adventure!”
At the end of the story, Wendy takes the Lost Boys back to London to find proper homes. But Pan, the forever child, remains. Lost Boys come and go, like questions and experiences in life, but Pan remains true to Pan.
True self true to true self.
This is one of the reasons perhaps (in my opinion) that Peter Pan is one of the greats of mystical writings. That, and it has fairies! If we respond to the call of Neverland, we begin the journey to…
Be present.
Be here.
Be now.
It doesn’t mean there will not be pirates. Nor will we not have to say goodbye to loved ones as they make their way back past the star on the right to London. It just means that we learn more and more to accept and integrate life’s thoughts, memories, emotions and sensations as part of life. Even in the words of Christ, “Why worry about tomorrow; today has enough worries of its own…” (Matthew 6.34) we hear the call.
There are many ways we can begin to learn to do this. Practicing AAIT, or finding a practitioner who can train you in it, for sure. But there are many other ways. The first way, though, and the most powerful one, is what we are doing right now (especially during the COVID-19 pandemic). Sitting, slowing down, and waiting in solitude. All the mystics have this in their repertoire of practice. Jesus’ wilderness. Mary Oliver’s forest. Gandhi’s wool. Siddhartha’s river. Saint Francis’ fields. Mother Teresa’s train station. Jane Goodall’s chimpanzees. Cousteau’s ocean.
So today, with and without hesitation, since you have the time, reach out to yourself, and take your hand to Neverland. See what’s there. Peace be with you on your journey.